Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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