you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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