I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You can't special order awesome
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Randomize
