I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
