People with herpes should wear stickers.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
