the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
