I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Everyone says I win the strip club
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
