Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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