he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize