I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
