She went from zero to smokin in five shots
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
birth control should be required to get into college
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
