oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
