My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
