Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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