checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize