Got a toothbrush?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
