We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize