Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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