How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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