I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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