How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
false alarm. still invincible.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
