i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
