Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
