hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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