My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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