12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
