the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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