There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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