bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
