not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
