RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
