we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
