you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
