your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
