I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
