If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
