I met the friendliest cop last night
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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