Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
