Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
