I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
