Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
