apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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