I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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