They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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