it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
