I puked a lego.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
