My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
