I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
