he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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