White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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