i may or may not be watching the land before time
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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