you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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