So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
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if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
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I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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