Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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