Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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