I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
