I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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