i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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