I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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