pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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