I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
