tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
whose parrot is this?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
