we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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