Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
