I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
