Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
